United
by only breath
Summary: Sweaty wrists and whispered assurances, and hands that instinctively reach out for each other. This is the beginning of war, the eerie and dangerous calm before the storm. Remus Lupin is not ready. No one is. After all, how can one prepare oneself for certain death? .:For Ella:.


_For Ella (Umbrella-ella)_

**United**

**By _only breath_**

**OOO**

* * *

**i. the beginning of the end**

* * *

_They are coming._

War is imminent. Peace is ebbing away. Calm has gone; instead, it is replaced by urgency, and a shaky anxiousness that makes Remus Lupin's hands tremble as he points his wand at the sky, muttering the spells that will protect a thousand people. Night falls like a blanket, stars like water droplets on the protective magical dome that is so, _so_ beautiful in such a twisted way. Everyone is preparing, making sure they're all ready for when it starts. _It_. The thing that would destroy them all. Sweaty wrists and whispered assurances, and hands that instinctively reach out for each other. This is the beginning of war, the eerie and dangerous calm before the storm.

Remus Lupin is not ready. No one is. After all, how can one prepare oneself for certain death?

Yet Remus Lupin knows what he believes in, and he knows that he must fight for what believes in, because if he dies – no, when he dies – his sacrifice will rid a billion lives of the terror that riddled him since his childhood, when he cursed himself for being a monster and wondered how he could be so disgusting when he had been such a good boy his whole life. And when he learned about the Dark Lord, the only bright thought that came to his mind was: _At least there will always be one person more monstrous than myself. _Shadows invaded his dreams, even his waking hours. He would go to school and his eyes would be open. He would look, but not see. Not truly. Life was a constant, moaning chant of _werewolfwerewolfwerewolf_ as he scratched at his wrists, trying to make the voices go away, trying to pretend he was normal.

But he is not. He is a killer, and no matter how uncontrollable and unintentional murder is, it's still a crime. He is a killer, no matter what.

Tonight, he will join the others, and he will kill once again. But this time, it will be utterly intentional, and Remus Lupin is going to wonder how murder can be so wonderfully yet sickeningly satisfying when the receiver is of an evil soul. It will be the sign of a mind slowly suffocating.

Apparently, murder is okay as long as it's done in large groups. For tonight, that's good enough for him.

* * *

**ii. the middle of the end**

* * *

War is not like Remus had imagined.

He had imagined yells and battle-cries and heroic cheers and blood everywhere and adrenaline fizzing through his veins like the purest kind of drug.

That is not war.

War is strange, all numb skin and unexpected tears and not really knowing what the _fuck_ is going on as bright lights flash all around you and the people on the floor as sleeping very deeply. Too deeply. They are so lost in their dreams that they won't wake up when Remus shakes them, when Remus slaps their faces, when Remus screams and screams for them to wake up because they _can't_ be dead – just can't be–

And each time he loses focus, Tonks (_lovely, perfect Nymphadora Tonks_) is there to bring him back to the real world, to his very real surroundings.

She's so gorgeous, so beautiful, and it's like she doesn't even know, and he wonders why.

Maybe because nobody ever told her.

"DUCK!" she screams, and Remus is so surprised that he does exactly as she demands. A green jet of light whizzes over his head as he pants and widens his eyes when he realises how close that was. Battle returns to his head, takes over his thoughts. Yet he isn't still isn't focused; not really. All he can do is dumbly shoot curses at the masked people who don't understand love.

* * *

**iii. the end of the end**

* * *

Remus Lupin is ready to die now.

Death is for the people who have lived all they want to live. Death is for the people who are done experiencing and now are just breathing – just existing – but not living.

So he's not scared when the faceless Death Eater raises his wand and there's nowhere to go, nowhere to escape. All the fears and insecurities of Remus' tired mind have been tossed to the side and he holds his head high as the blinding green glow erupts from the wand tip.

And the light is so bright – so _damn_ bright – and yet oddly peaceful.

He never intended for Tonks to die with him. She's too young, too special, and she hasn't lived all that there is to live. But Remus had been an intelligent boy, and therefore is an intelligent man, and he knows that Tonks would not live with the heartache if she didn't join him in the unity that was simultaneous Death.

"You're beautiful," he manages to choke out in record time, and then the curse envelops him, and he and his love join the stars.

_Good luck, my dear Teddy._

**OOO**

_For: _Spring Fic Exchange (Ella!) – Key Signature Competition (F# Major) – Double Or Nothing Competition (720 – 880 words) – The Months of the Year Challenge (March, war) – ASAWAU Comp (glow, transition, sign)

_Author's Notes: _I hope you liked it, Ella! This was actually really enjoyable to write (if you don't count the angst).


End file.
